Tuesday, August 31, 2010

30 Day Blog Challenge

I read about the 30 day blog challenge over here and thought it was a great way to get me through my break cycle on birth control. By the time the challenge is over, AF should be here and it will be time start the next cycle.

Here’s the rundown:

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where I live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - my worst habit
Day 28 - what's in my handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

Looking forward to starting tomorrow!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Operation Washboard

So I woke up on Friday morning with AF finally, went to the doctor for my baseline and of course I have 2 cysts, one on each ovary. I had prepared myself for that but it still hurt. Now I am back on BCP for the month. Boo.

I need something to occupy these next four weeks so today is Day 1 of Operation Washboard. Now I am not expecting washboard abs in 4 weeks but I need some improvement in that area. I am blaming it on all the hormones I have taken but I seem to have accumulated several extra pounds in that area only the past few months. I am in a wedding in October and have a 8 day beach vacation planned for November so I would like to get back to my old body.

I have IBS so the plan is a gluten free and dairy free diet (mostly anyway, I can't give up cheese and the occasional pasta splurge) and I am going to start working out again. I will keep you updated on how it is going!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

When it rains, it pours

I have been looking forward to Friday all week, especially after my negative test on Tuesday. I have a really fun girls night out planned with 5 girls, one visiting from out of town. We have dinner reservations at this really nice italian place and then we are going out for drinks. Thankfully I had the foresight last week to book myself a massage for Friday. I thought I might need it if this cycle didn't work out. I also added in a bikini wax and mani/pedi as well, after reading this post on another blog. I deserve a good spa day!

So my closest friend here (I have only lived here for 5 years) is J. One of the sweetest people I have ever met. She asked if she could stop by last night to pick up a book she needs to read for her book club. We were chatting about dinner Friday and then she confessed she really wanted to come by to tell me she was pregnant. I appreciate that she came by, she knows what we are going through and she didn't want me to find out Friday in front of a lot of people, but I was so devasted. After she left, I just started bawling. Now I am not even that excited to go out on Friday. I am paranoid that when S gets here (friend from out of town) she is going to announce that she is pregnant too and if that happens, I just don't think I can handle it.

I am hoping I will feel better about this tomorrow, I so hormonal right now, still haven't gotten AF yet, even though I stopped my progesterone suppositories on Sunday, and to top it all off I am on call this week at work and I got called in last night after crying my eyes out and of course I had to work today so I am exhausted.

I am thinking some retail therapy is necessary tomorrow as well, in addition to my spa day. What would you splurge on?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The verdict is in...

Big Fat Negative. I can't say I am surprised but it still sucks. Once again my body has defied nature, 3 eggs, 100 million sperm, no baby. It doesn't seem right. This may sound a little overdramatic but I feel a loss when I have a BFN, for my baby that should have been. It makes me sad.

Thanks for weighing in on my POAS dilemma. I did POAS Sunday and this morning but now I wish I would have just waited until today. Next cycle I am going to have to come back to this post to remind myself why I don't POAS early. I wasted the last 2 days thinking that there could still be a chance of a positive today.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

To pee or not to pee...

That is the question. First of all, I would like to say Hi and Welcome to ICLW visitors. My TTC history can be found in the column over there ---------->

So back to my question. For my first time visitors, I am 11 and 12dp B2B IUI's. I was feeling pretty good about this cycle, my first with follistim. I had 3 follies and B's sperm rocked as usual, about 50 million post wash both days. As I said, I was feeling good until yesterday when the telltale signs of AF began to arise. I know some of it can be blamed on the progesterone (sore boobs, tired all the time) but I swear, before I get my period, I can feel it in my uterus. I don't even know how to describe it, it's this crampy/achey feeling that I only get that time of the month, which for me is very infrequent, so when I do feel it, I know what is coming.

So to pee on a stick or wait until beta on Tuesday? I am on progesterone supps so it is unlikely I will get my period before I stop them. Thoughts? If it makes a difference, I "borrowed" some pregnancy tests from work, so I don't have to buy them.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

One week down and a recipe

I made it through the first week of the 2ww. The second week is always harder for me so I am not looking forward to the next 7 days. My last 2ww I had lots of stuff going on, family in from out of town, trip to the lake. This time I have nothing to distract me. I don't even have anything good to blog about.

B and I went to the farmer's market on Saturday morning and got a ton of green beans. I am not a huge fan but he loves them. The ones I made Saturday night for dinner with friends were amazing, I could eat them every day! There is not really a true recipe, it is loosely based upon a side dish I had at my SIL's.

Saute garlic and red onion in some olive oil. Add green beans and some thin sliced red pepper. Season with salt and pepper to taste. I cooked them until everything was done and slightly charred/carmelized (my own personal preference, you could cook just until done) At this point I threw in some fresh dill and some pine nuts. There were no leftovers.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Officially Basted

That is how B refers to my IUI's, he calls it "getting basted". This first cycle of Follistim was touch and go as far as my dosage and number of follies. I was never really sure until the day I triggered if I was going to or how many follicles there would end up being. After 5 monitoring appointments in 9 days, I finally triggered on Sunday with 3 follicles and had back to back IUI's Monday and today.

As always, I am hopeful this is finally it. Between the 3 follicles and B's rock star sperm, how can it not work? Yet I know the odds are only about 20%. It's so hard not to get excited but then I hate being disappointed, which inevitably always happens. I am already thinking ahead to next cycle, which will probably be a break cycle because I had two follicles at the time of trigger that were about 12mm so I am sure they will turn into cysts. It's so hard to find the right balance between feeling positive and feeling negative about the whole situation.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


So I had my third follie check of this cycle today. I have 5 follicles all similar sizes so my doctor is monitoring me really closely. There are 3 that are slightly bigger and she is trying to get them to the right size so we can trigger. If the 2 smaller ones catch up I am screwed since she will cancel the IUI if I have more than 5. I will be devastated if we have to cancel at this point.

Anyway, I had to leave in the middle of my shift to go to this appointment. Thank god my boss is so nice and understanding. I work on a small unit and everybody knows what is going on with me and are very supportive except for this one nurse. I get back from my u/s and of course everyone wants to know how it went. So I told them basically what I just wrote in the above paragraph and I was all sad and the one nurse goes " yeah I know, we tried for 9 months to get pregnant and then we stopped trying because I didn't want to have a baby in December and of course we got pregnant"

A. What does that have to do with anything I just said and B. Can you be a little bit more insensitive??? This is coming from a 22 year old no less! Ugh!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Letter to my husband

Sorry I had an attitude with you this morning.
Sorry I did not notice that you left your work pants in the car yesterday when I was doing three loads of laundry and you don't have clean pants this morning.
Sorry I didn't water the plants yesterday in between laundry, grocery shopping and making 2 dozen cupcakes for you
Sorry I do not want to water them this morning before I have to go to work for 12 hours
Sorry I assumed you had watered said plants when you were outside mowing the lawn yesterday.

In between working full time, taking care of the house, rearranging my schedule to go the doctor at least once a week, and giving myself daily injections, I will try harder to be nicer to you.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Update and a recipe

I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday. I had 5 dominant follies, 2 9mm, 2 8mm and a 7.5mm. My doctor seemed pleased and she lowered my dose. Hopefully when I go back on Tuesday for my next appointment 2 of the smaller ones have stopped growing. My doctor won't proceed with the IUI if I have more than 3. Not that I would want to, as a former NICU nurse, the idea of multiples scares me. The shots are going well, I am a pro now. I can't believe how nervous I was the first time!

I made some cupcakes today, part of a fundraiser to help B out. He is doing a bike race and all the money he raises goes to the local cancer hospital.

They are ridiculous, so yummy!!