Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The dress

My best friend is getting married in October. I am so incredibly happy for her. When she first set her date last December and asked me to be a bridesmaid of course I said yes. She knew that B and I were trying so I warned her there was a good possibility I wouldn't be able to make it though because I would probably be pregnant. Fast forward 6 months and I am still no closer to being pregnant. Every cycle for the last few months I kept telling myself, "If I am not pregnant this cycle, I will get the dress" but I never did. If I ordered it, it was admitting defeat, I would not be pregnant for this wedding. I even went and tried it on after my last cycle failed and I developed the cyst but I still couldn't bring myself to buy it at the time.

I went ahead and ordered the dress tonight. From the website, it looked like they discontinued it so I panicked and called. Realistically even if I get pregnant this cycle I will barely be out of my first trimester for the wedding so the sizing and the traveling really shouldn't be an issue. I am am still a little sad about it. I feel like I just jinxed this cycle.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Update and a recipe

So I went to doctor Friday and YAY! The cyst is gone. Of course she told me to stop BCP so we can start this next cycle. Of course 2 weeks from that day we will be out of town for our 2 year anniversary. So I am still taking the pill, I will stop it tomorrow and hopefully get my period by the weekend. That will put me mid cycle just as we get back from our trip. I am hopeful for this cycle, it would be a nice anniversary present for us!

On a completely different topic, I made these tonight while B is at golf - http://smittenkitchen.com/2008/07/blueberry-crumb-bars/#more-531

They look and smell divine, I can not wait to taste them. Smitten Kitchen never lets me down!

Saturday, June 12, 2010


I am feeling very sad, frustrated and alone today, yet another one of my friends announced her pregnancy. Seriously, why do I feel like the only person in the world who is not pregnant right now!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Babies, babies everywhere

New Year's Eve 2009, my friend T and I decided to quit the pill and get pregnant together. It was going to be so fun, having a pregnancy buddy. I never took another pill after that night. T chickened out though and didn't stop hers until May. I kept telling her to hurry up and quit so she wouldn't be too far behind me. She delivered a baby girl on Sunday.

I was in a similar situation with R, a girl I work with. She knew I had been trying and though it would be so fun if we were pregnant together. Today was her last day at work before her scheduled C-section.

Then there is me...no pregnancy, no baby, just a large cyst that won't seem to go away. And my husband wonders why I am in a bad mood all the time. He asked me this weekend when I was going to go back to my normal happy self and I told him "when I get pregnant" He wasn't to happy with that answer. He tries to be supportive but he just doesn't get it. I do need to make more of an effort to snap out of this funk and be grateful for what I do have. Easier said than done though.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Random thoughts

I haven't written in a while, I just haven't had much to say. Today should have been my second IUI except 2 weeks ago when I went for my baseline ultrasound I had a large cyst so now I have been on the pill for the last two weeks. I guess I should be happy I ovulated last cycle, that was only the third time in 18 months. I just feel like for every positive thing that happens, a series of negative things follow right behind it.

B and I went away for the holiday weekend which was nice but I found myself staring at my pregnant sister in law's belly a lot...to the point where she probably noticed but she would never say anything because she knows what I am going through...and really what would she say? I swear though, everywhere I turned while we were away there were pregnant woman. It made me wonder if there was some kind of preggo convention at the Ritz. Even two of our servers in the bar area were pregnant!

My next ultrasound is Friday so keeping my fingers crossed.