Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Soup and Granola

Well, I did good for one day. Today I am home alone with virtually no distractions and already my mind is going places it shouldn't. In an effort to keep the evil thoughts at bay, I have been busy in the kitchen.

First I made this potato soup with some modifications. I only pureed one potato into the soup, the other I diced and added in after because I like a chunky soup. I cut back on the chicken broth by 1/2 cup since I left out the potato. I used fat free milk and fat free Fage greek yogurt in place of the sour cream. I also added some garlic powder and smoked paprika because I thought it was a little bland. It came out pretty darn tasty but 1 cup portions seemed really small so I portioned it out in 2 cup portions. It's still healthier than most potato soups.

Next up, I made my favorite granola. This recipe was given to me by one of my coworkers and I love it because it is so adaptable. I have made it with so many different kinds of dried fruits and nuts.

4 cups old fashioned oats (not quick cooking)
1/2 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup canola or vegetable oil
1/2 cup honey
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup chopped nuts of your choice
1/2 cup dried fruit of your choice

Bake @ 350 for 20 minutes, stir x3 while baking, granola will harden as it cools. Add dried fruit once granola is out of oven. You can also add chocolate or white chocolate chips at this point, though I never do. I increase the amount of nuts and fruit if I skip the coconut. I love using dried cherries,blueberries and pecans. I also usually double the cinnamon and nutmeg because I love those flavors.

The worst part about cooking...cleaning up! I am off to clean up the kitchen and then I should probably shower and get out of my pajamas. We are meeting some friends and there 2 adorable girls for dinner tonight so at least I have something to look forward to now that all my cooking is done. It is nearly 60 degrees here today which is unheard of here in January. I hope it you are enjoying some spring like weather wherever you are!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Transfer complete!

I had my embryo transfer yesterday. I was a little nervous since I hadn't had an update since day one. Out of our original super seven, I had one "picture perfect blast" (embryologist's words, not mine), it had already started hatching and one compacting morula. The others had all arrested on day three so I am so glad we did not do a three day transfer. It's so hard not to get my hopes up, I mean a perfect hatching blast, how can I not get pregnant?? But I know what the odds are and they are not 100%.

I am trying to keep busy, I took today and tomorrow off work. My friend S, who I work with, is bringing me some Panera for lunch while I give her some relationship advice, she just broke off her engagement. I plan on making some homemade granola later also. Tomorrow I am not sure what I am going to do but it is going to be unseasonably warm and I am don't want to be cooped up in the house all day. I also plan on making some potato soup for lunch the rest of the week. I have been craving it and B hates it so I never make it. I will post the recipe if it comes out good, it's WW friendly. I have some books loaded on my Kindle although nothing I am too excited about. Anyone read anything good lately? I read so much, sometimes I feel like I am running out of books!

Off to catch up on blogs and comments from the weekend!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Lucky 7

I got the call yesterday that out of the 11 eggs retrieved, 7 were mature and all 7 fertilized normally with ICSI. I was shocked. I thought 5, maybe 6 would be mature so I was pretty excited to hear 7. The embryologist called again today to say they were still doing well and we would do a 5 day transfer on Sunday. He then proceeded to tell me how many cells they were but I was at work and it got loud so I missed it. I thought about asking him to repeat it and then I said fuck it. It doesn't really matter, it's not going to change anything. He asked if I wanted another update tomorrow and I told him no thanks. I am just going to show up Sunday and see what I got.

Last cycle I was very focused on numbers, I knew my e2, the size of my follicles and how thick my lining was after every appointment. This cycle I tried not to think about it and I discovered sometimes a little ignorance is bliss. I used to think I would worry more by not knowing every little detail but this cycle I actually worried less. I think I am finally beginning to realize that I have no control in this situation (it only took me 3 years) and am letting go a little bit.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Retrieval is done

I was more nervous going in this time than last time. All day yesterday I just had this pit in my stomach. I think it's because I feel as though there is more riding on this outcome. Even though it was such a roller coaster last time leading up to the ER, I still had high hopes of it working. After that chemical pregnancy and my recent FSH I am not feeling as positive. I know I have my age going for me as far as quality is concerned but I can't forget that I had a chemical pregnancy with a perfect blast last time. I also know this is my last chance with my eggs and sometimes that is hard to think about...but that's a while different post for another day.

We got to the RE's at 7am and it was uneventful. They did retrieve 11 eggs but i think that is a bit deceiving, based on my E2 and the size of my follies the day of trigger, I am guessing only 5, maybe 6 will be mature. I'm ok with that though, it's what we had last time. Hopefully we have an awesome fert rate again. Last time 5 out of 6 fertilized and we were able to do a 5dt.

B stayed home with me this morning until I fell into a Vicodin coma and then went in to work. I am catching up on some DVR programs and relaxing. Still debating on going to work tomorrow. Last year I went and took it easy and I survived. This year I swore I was not going in but now I feel bad for my staff since I am in charge. I know they will be ok with out me and there is a contingency plan in place already if I don't show so I am just going to see how I feel later.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


If you are visiting from ICLW welcome! For first time visitors, I am in the middle of IVF cycle #2, you can read more about me and my past cycles by clicking the tabs above.

Good news - After 14 days on stims I finally get to trigger tonight!
Bad news - I only have 5 follicles that are probably mature, 17mm-21mm. I have 5 others on my left ovary but they stopped growing days ago, they are all 8mm-12mm.

So despite my new protocol I am still going to end up with the same number of eggs. I know it could be worse, at my appointment Friday my doctor wasn't sure if I would get more than 3. This news of course led to a small breakdown and I spent the first 20 minutes at work crying about it. After all this, it just reinforces my decision to use donor eggs if this cycle does not work. I don't think I can go through this again.

I am doing some baking therapy today, saw this recipe on Pinterest and couldn't resist! My coworkers have been wonderfully supportive of me these past few weeks so I thought they deserved a tasty treat.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day 11

11 days of stims and counting...

Please excuse the bloat.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Deja Vu

I knew better than to have much hope for this IVF cycle, I even said that in my last post.  I have never been a good responder and with my FSH I really can't expect too much.  Still, there was a teeny tiny part of me that was hoping things would be different with my new protocol.  I tried to be realistic, I wasn't expecting eggs in the double digits or anything but I figured there would be some improvement from last time.  I went for my first follie check on Thursday and I had 7 follies between 5-8mm.  I was shocked!  Last year I had no measurable follicles at my first appointment.  Things were looking good.  Then my E2 level came back.  It was only 68.  Last year with no measureable ones it was 54.  And it's been downhill from there.  Even after a big increase in my meds, I went back yesterday and there has been almost no growth.  They did find another follicle but none of them are over 9mm after 7 days of stims.  My E2 level was better so I am going back tomorrow for another check.  I really don't know why I am surprised, the same thing happened last year.  It still stings though.  Why can't I just catch a  break?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Space Between

It's been about nine months since I last posted. I could have (should have) had a baby in that time. Instead I have been in this weird place, "afertile" if you will. After my chemical pregnancy in April I was pretty depressed. I thought I would cycle again ASAP but my dear husband pointed out to me that was probably not good for my mental health. So I just stopped everything. I didn't focus on my infertility, I stopped blogging, reading message boards, researching treatment options, etc. I didn't focus on my fertility, I drank lots and lots of wine, I stopped my PNV and various other supplements I was taking, I didn't temp or chart despite the fact that I started having regular cycles again after my chemical. Hence the term "afertile"

A year and half of back to back treatments, breaking only for cysts, really did a number on me. I didn't even realize it until B pointed it out. Slowly but surely I started to feel like myself again. The wine definitely helped. The we decided instead of cycling again in 2011, we wanted to do something fun with our money. My dream was to visit Italy before we started TTC but we never made it so off to Italy we went. We spent a fabulous 2 week vacation exploring Venice, Florence and Rome. It was wonderful and I am so glad we chose to do that. I am in a much better place to try IVF again.

I am not holding out too much hope for this cycle. My FSH is now 16.6 and am pretty sure my egg quality is shit. B and I already discussed it and if this does not work we are going to cycle next with donor eggs. After 3 years of TTC, I am ready to be pregnant.

I am happy to be back to blogging, hopefully some of you are still out there reading.