Friday, October 1, 2010


A couple of weeks ago I was having lunch with some of my coworkers. There were 6 of us, ranging in age from 23-31, me being the oldest. I had mentioned that I had wanted to go outside, it was a beautiful day and we have no windows in our unit so I wanted to enjoy 15 minutes of sunshine before going back to work. No one else really wanted to go so I sat there chatting. Somehow the conversation took a turn and they were taking about being pregnant. None of the girls currently are pregnant but 2 of them have kids. The other 3 are not married and only one is in a relationship and then there is me and my IF. All of these girls know exactly what I am going through. At this point I knew I was getting sick, I was totally PMS'ing, AF was coming (she arrived the next morning) and I wasn't in the mood to hear it. So I told S, sitting across from me I was going outside and I just got up and left. I really didn't think too much of it. They knew I had wanted to go outside. When got back up to work though I was shocked. I got stopped by one of them as soon as I walked in, she was in tears and apologizing for being so insensitive. I told her it was all good, I had just wanted to go outside. Making my way back to the break room, I got stopped by another girl, also in tears, saying the same thing. I felt awful that I made them feel so awful. I found the other girls and let them know I was ok and they didn't do anything wrong. I don't want them to feel like they have to watch what they say in front of me.

I am so lucky to work with such a great bunch of women, I didn't realize how much they truly cared about me until that day. On the other hand, now I feel like they are tip toeing around me, not one of them has asked me what was going on with regards to my IF since then. That is not really a bad thing though since things are not really going well right now and I don't like talking about it. I work with such a small group of women and we are a pretty tight knit group, except for this one nurse. It hard to keep secrets, especially when I am always leaving in the middle of a shift, coming in late or switching my days off to accommodate my appointments. On one hand, I am glad they know, it nice to have thier support, but after this incident, now I wish they didn't. I already feel left out within my circle of friends most of them time since I am one of the only one without kids and now I feel like that at work too. It's hard being an infertile in a fertile's world.

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