4 more days

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted, lots of stuff going on here. My oldest dearest friend got married this weekend so I was out of town for the last 4 days. It was nice to be home with my family and old friends. I was really looking forward to her wedding (for obvious reasons) and also because none of my friends from home have kids/are pregnant. Of course, one of my friends announced she was pregnant at the wedding and almost simultaneously I get a text from my SIL saying she is in labor. Of course I am happy for my friend and my SIL but it still hurt. I ended up drinking more than I should have although I doubt it matters anyway since I am probably not pregnant. I do have a new nephew now and I am thrilled, I can't wait to meet him. Hopefully we can get down to FL in Dec or Jan. He is my 8th nephew/niece, my husbands siblings are a fertile bunch. It sucks being the only one in his family without kids.

Only four more days until my beta. Even though I have almost no hope that this cycle is going to be successful there is always that little teeny tiny piece of me thinking that it might be. This cycle is really getting to me, I had two mini meltdowns over the weekend and my panic attacks are starting to come back. I felt bad for my mom, my husband is used to my mood swings but my mom is not and she was shocked when I started freaking out over something silly. That's just not me. I started getting panic attacks when I was in college and was in therapy/taking meds on and off since then but I have been doing well for about 2 years until now. Things aren't bad yet but I am worried they will get bad again. At least we leave for vacation on Sunday, a week at the beach sounds like just what the doctor ordered.