I got the call yesterday that out of the 11 eggs retrieved, 7 were mature and all 7 fertilized normally with ICSI. I was shocked. I thought 5, maybe 6 would be mature so I was pretty excited to hear 7. The embryologist called again today to say they were still doing well and we would do a 5 day transfer on Sunday. He then proceeded to tell me how many cells they were but I was at work and it got loud so I missed it. I thought about asking him to repeat it and then I said fuck it. It doesn't really matter, it's not going to change anything. He asked if I wanted another update tomorrow and I told him no thanks. I am just going to show up Sunday and see what I got.
Last cycle I was very focused on numbers, I knew my e2, the size of my follicles and how thick my lining was after every appointment. This cycle I tried not to think about it and I discovered sometimes a little ignorance is bliss. I used to think I would worry more by not knowing every little detail but this cycle I actually worried less. I think I am finally beginning to realize that I have no control in this situation (it only took me 3 years) and am letting go a little bit.