FML

I have been to busy wallowing to blog. My beta is tomorrow and I am freaking out! I have zero symptoms but my gut is telling me BFN. Last year, I had a feeling it was going to be positive. I know it's not over until tomorrow but I hate having this bad feeling. I am putting a bottle of my favorite wine in the fridge just in case. To top it all off, I had a patient come in for surgery today and they had a positive pregnancy test. Keep in mind I work at a Children's hospital. So that was fun to deal with.

Soup and Granola

Well, I did good for one day. Today I am home alone with virtually no distractions and already my mind is going places it shouldn't. In an effort to keep the evil thoughts at bay, I have been busy in the kitchen.

First I made this potato soup with some modifications. I only pureed one potato into the soup, the other I diced and added in after because I like a chunky soup. I cut back on the chicken broth by 1/2 cup since I left out the potato. I used fat free milk and fat free Fage greek yogurt in place of the sour cream. I also added some garlic powder and smoked paprika because I thought it was a little bland. It came out pretty darn tasty but 1 cup portions seemed really small so I portioned it out in 2 cup portions. It's still healthier than most potato soups.

Next up, I made my favorite granola. This recipe was given to me by one of my coworkers and I love it because it is so adaptable. I have made it with so many different kinds of dried fruits and nuts.

4 cups old fashioned oats (not quick cooking)
1/2 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup canola or vegetable oil
1/2 cup honey
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup chopped nuts of your choice
1/2 cup dried fruit of your choice

Bake @ 350 for 20 minutes, stir x3 while baking, granola will harden as it cools. Add dried fruit once granola is out of oven. You can also add chocolate or white chocolate chips at this point, though I never do. I increase the amount of nuts and fruit if I skip the coconut. I love using dried cherries,blueberries and pecans. I also usually double the cinnamon and nutmeg because I love those flavors.

The worst part about cooking...cleaning up! I am off to clean up the kitchen and then I should probably shower and get out of my pajamas. We are meeting some friends and there 2 adorable girls for dinner tonight so at least I have something to look forward to now that all my cooking is done. It is nearly 60 degrees here today which is unheard of here in January. I hope it you are enjoying some spring like weather wherever you are!

Transfer complete!

I had my embryo transfer yesterday. I was a little nervous since I hadn't had an update since day one. Out of our original super seven, I had one "picture perfect blast" (embryologist's words, not mine), it had already started hatching and one compacting morula. The others had all arrested on day three so I am so glad we did not do a three day transfer. It's so hard not to get my hopes up, I mean a perfect hatching blast, how can I not get pregnant?? But I know what the odds are and they are not 100%.

I am trying to keep busy, I took today and tomorrow off work. My friend S, who I work with, is bringing me some Panera for lunch while I give her some relationship advice, she just broke off her engagement. I plan on making some homemade granola later also. Tomorrow I am not sure what I am going to do but it is going to be unseasonably warm and I am don't want to be cooped up in the house all day. I also plan on making some potato soup for lunch the rest of the week. I have been craving it and B hates it so I never make it. I will post the recipe if it comes out good, it's WW friendly. I have some books loaded on my Kindle although nothing I am too excited about. Anyone read anything good lately? I read so much, sometimes I feel like I am running out of books!

Off to catch up on blogs and comments from the weekend!

Lucky 7

I got the call yesterday that out of the 11 eggs retrieved, 7 were mature and all 7 fertilized normally with ICSI. I was shocked. I thought 5, maybe 6 would be mature so I was pretty excited to hear 7. The embryologist called again today to say they were still doing well and we would do a 5 day transfer on Sunday. He then proceeded to tell me how many cells they were but I was at work and it got loud so I missed it. I thought about asking him to repeat it and then I said fuck it. It doesn't really matter, it's not going to change anything. He asked if I wanted another update tomorrow and I told him no thanks. I am just going to show up Sunday and see what I got.

Last cycle I was very focused on numbers, I knew my e2, the size of my follicles and how thick my lining was after every appointment. This cycle I tried not to think about it and I discovered sometimes a little ignorance is bliss. I used to think I would worry more by not knowing every little detail but this cycle I actually worried less. I think I am finally beginning to realize that I have no control in this situation (it only took me 3 years) and am letting go a little bit.

Retrieval is done

I was more nervous going in this time than last time. All day yesterday I just had this pit in my stomach. I think it's because I feel as though there is more riding on this outcome. Even though it was such a roller coaster last time leading up to the ER, I still had high hopes of it working. After that chemical pregnancy and my recent FSH I am not feeling as positive. I know I have my age going for me as far as quality is concerned but I can't forget that I had a chemical pregnancy with a perfect blast last time. I also know this is my last chance with my eggs and sometimes that is hard to think about...but that's a while different post for another day.

We got to the RE's at 7am and it was uneventful. They did retrieve 11 eggs but i think that is a bit deceiving, based on my E2 and the size of my follies the day of trigger, I am guessing only 5, maybe 6 will be mature. I'm ok with that though, it's what we had last time. Hopefully we have an awesome fert rate again. Last time 5 out of 6 fertilized and we were able to do a 5dt.

B stayed home with me this morning until I fell into a Vicodin coma and then went in to work. I am catching up on some DVR programs and relaxing. Still debating on going to work tomorrow. Last year I went and took it easy and I survived. This year I swore I was not going in but now I feel bad for my staff since I am in charge. I know they will be ok with out me and there is a contingency plan in place already if I don't show so I am just going to see how I feel later.

Finally

If you are visiting from ICLW welcome! For first time visitors, I am in the middle of IVF cycle #2, you can read more about me and my past cycles by clicking the tabs above.

Good news - After 14 days on stims I finally get to trigger tonight!
Bad news - I only have 5 follicles that are probably mature, 17mm-21mm. I have 5 others on my left ovary but they stopped growing days ago, they are all 8mm-12mm.

So despite my new protocol I am still going to end up with the same number of eggs. I know it could be worse, at my appointment Friday my doctor wasn't sure if I would get more than 3. This news of course led to a small breakdown and I spent the first 20 minutes at work crying about it. After all this, it just reinforces my decision to use donor eggs if this cycle does not work. I don't think I can go through this again.

I am doing some baking therapy today, saw this recipe on Pinterest and couldn't resist! My coworkers have been wonderfully supportive of me these past few weeks so I thought they deserved a tasty treat.

Day 11

11 days of stims and counting...



Please excuse the bloat.