Monday, March 21, 2011

Bad day

I was planning on writing a nice welcome ICLW post and doing an update on my progress today but things are not working out as I planned. For those of you who are visiting for the first time, welcome, sorry about the debbie downer post that is about to follow. A little background for first timers, I am 31, my husband B is 36. We have been TTC for a little over 2 years and have yet to get a BFP. My "diagnosis" is hypothalmic amennorrhea. Basically, I don't ovulate and no one can figure out why. We are in the middle of our first IVF cycle, however, it may turn out to be IUI #6 instead.

I had my third follie check today and it was not good. I only have five follicles, 3 on the right and 2 on the left. The 3 on the right are 10,10 and 12. The 10's haven't grown since my last appointment 3 days ago. On the left I have a 12 and a 16. Of course my doctor is not in today so I saw one of her partner's and she wasn't really happy with my progress, or lack there of. She is waiting on my E2 level and then she is going to discuss my case with my doctor before giving me any further instructions.

So of course I left and started sobbing as soon as I got in the car. I called my B and he calmed me down somewhat but by the time I got back to work, I was crying again and the thought of everyone at work asking how my appointment went was nauseating. So I went in, told my manager my appointment sucked and I needed to go home. She was really nice about, she even went and got my Lupron from the break room for me so I didn't have to walk through the unit crying.

I am devastated. We took a nice 2 month break, I got myself all geared up for IVF and now it looks like it probably won't happen. At this point, if they don't suggest converting to an IUI I think I might. I only have partial insurance coverage for one IVF and I don't know if I want to waste it on this cycle. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost right now.
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15 comments:

  1. KristaMarch 21, 2011 at 11:16 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that your appointment didn't go well this morning. My IVF cycle was such a roller coaster ride each day....I had to go in for blood work and ultrasound each day for a week straight, each day them telling me my cycle is going to get cancelled. They were able to adjust some of my meds though and I ended up getting to go through with the retrieval (I haven't done transfer yet due to OHSS.) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through...this is such an emotional roller coaster ride. I hope if they decide to cancel your cycle that you can at least do an IUI. Sometimes it just takes an adjustment in meds for the next cycle for your body to produce the right amount of eggs.

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  2. TippyMarch 21, 2011 at 11:36 AM

    Stopping over from ICLW from #63 & #153. I've been a debbie downer for quite some time, basically since the beginning of this year, so no apologies needed :-) Best of luck with yoru IVF/IUI. Ugh. I hate how draining the IVF process can be. WIth all of those appointments and hope and then things not going so well... ugh! Glad that your manager was nice about your bad day. Hugs.

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  3. JosMarch 21, 2011 at 11:38 AM

    Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this cycle isn't turning out right for you. Thank God you at least could have the option of converting to IUI. Maybe your body is just trying to save you some money and get you a BFP the "cheaper" way b/c it knows something you don't. ((HUGS)) Hang in there!

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  4. AubMarch 21, 2011 at 12:20 PM

    I'm so sorry you had a bad appointment today. There are no words to make you feel better, I know, but I completely agree that if you're not responding well to the medicines, it'd be best to cancel the cycle and hopefully get you on a protocol that works better. ((Hugs))

    ICLW 149

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  5. foxyMarch 21, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    crap. i am really sorry to read that you have to deal with yet another bump on this journey. Good for you taking the day off to take care of yourself.
    hang in there, my friend.

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  6. CherbearMarch 21, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    ugh, don't apologize for the debbie downer post. I'm sure everyone understands. Maybe converting to an IUI would be best and maybe, just maybe IUI #6 is the charm for you. Then you won't have to worry about IVF for a long time.

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  7. BlondieMarch 21, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    So sorry to hear that -- an unsatisfying ultrasound can be so very hard to take. I'm so happy for you, though, that you have a supportive boss who seems to understand what you're going through! It's difficult to explain to those around you just how emotionally draining this process is. I'll be thinking of you, whether you end up going forward with the IVF or decide to go for IUI instead. TTC is full of decisions we feel unequipped to make, isn't it?

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  8. clewisMarch 21, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    So very sorry to hear things aren't working out great. im here for you

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  9. A m a n d aMarch 21, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    So so sorry this IVF might not work out. I can't imagine how devestating this is after all the time and $$ you have invested. I can only hope you get a few more mature follicles, to increase your chances with a potential IUI. But I know this it little consolation.

    I was also diagnosed with Hyothalamic Amenorrhea. I look forward to following your journey.

    ICLW#55

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  10. Miss MacMarch 21, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    Did your E2 increase? I wouldn't count IVF out just yet as they might decide to change the med dosage or add more time. Our numbers are not far off and they added a day of stims to my cycle even though my E2 dropped today:[ The nurse told me there are peaks and valleys in this process and there is so much that is out of my control at this point. That is SO hard considering the emotional, physical, financial investments. I am thinking about you and if this does turn into an IUI, it may be a change of course but not a change in the goal! Either way, I am still cheering for you all the way!

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  11. CortneyMarch 21, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    I'm so sorry that this IVF isn't going as planned. The emotional roller coaster is such a nightmare through this process. Hang in there!

    ~ICLW #156

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  12. TracyMarch 22, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    I'm sorry your cycle isn't going as planned. IVF is such a crazy ride that changes all the time. And no need to apologize for being a debbie downer...we all are at some point.

    You are in my thoughts.

    ICLW

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  13. ADSchillMarch 22, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    I'm so sorry this first IVF is turning out so poorly for you! I am close to facing my first as well and I am terrified.

    I know you will make the best decision you can that you will eventually have your little one. I feel your pain and wish there was more we could do but offer an ear. If you have some IVF coversage, it might be worth it to wait till you have a better response.

    Hope you are feeling better.

    http://missconception-ads.blogspot.com/

    ICLW # 102

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  14. CarliaMarch 22, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    i really hope you get some good news soon. good luck with this cycle, whichever way it goes!

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  15. TillieMarch 23, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    oh honey -- I'm so sorry this isn't going as planned :( We are all here for you...I hope they can adjust your meds so that you can get your follies growing again.

    iclw #173
    ps - thanks for stopping by my blog

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