Fert Report Day 3

Another day of good news! 4 8 celled embryos and 1 7 celled embryo still growing like weeds. The embryologist said they all look like they are good quality so we are set for our 5dt on Friday. I just can't believe it, I am not used to getting this much good news. We have hit so many bumps in the road during this whole IF journey, I am hoping it's smooth sailing from here on out.

Side Note: B did my PIO last night, it went in great, but he was shaking so much while he was pushing the injection in I felt bad for him and it made it hurt more. He even had a beer before he did it to calm his nerves. Then he pulled it out and I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Poor B, he felt so bad but I thought it was kind of funny. I am doing my own shot tonight. :-)

And I had a little bit of brown spotting today. It really freaked me out. My IVF nurse said it was normal, probably left over from the ER. Has anyone else had that happen?

Fert Report Day 2 and miscellaneous ramblings

Good news from the embryologist again today! Our 5 little embies are growing, we have 1 5 cell and 4 4 cells. So it looks like we are doing a 5 day transfer on Friday. Yay! In other news...

So last night was B's first night having to do an IM injection. He got out of the trigger shot since he had plans with an out of town friend and he got out of my first PIO shot because they gave to me at the office while I was their for my retrieval. He is deathly afraid of needles so I wasn't sure how this would go. I figured it would be ok since he as not the one getting stuck. I drew up the PIO for him and handed it to him. I detected some hesitation on his part so I offered to stick myself so he can see how it's done. Since I am a nurse, I am a lot more comfortable giving shots than he is. I injected myself, showed him how to pull back and check for blood and then made him inject the PIO. It's about halfway in when he tells me it is taking too long. Tell me about it, it's my ass that's getting shot with oil! It all goes in and he has to sit down, he is lightheaded. He says he is not sure if he can do this. Can you imagine what the world would be like if men had to go through half of the shit we do? Even without fertility treatments, being pregnant and having a baby is no easy task. I told him to man up and I am making him do it tonight but I have a feeling I will end up doing half of my shots myself. Once you get the hang of it, it's easy and I like having control.

We had a pregnancy announcement last night. I wasn't at all surprised. I am actually not a huge fan of this girl, the first time I met her was right after I had gotten engaged and the first things she says to me is "your ring in so beautiful, is that a yellow diamond?" Um no honey it's not and that is so rude!! And for the record this is my e-ring and it doesn't look yellow at all!

Anyway, back to the story. So this girl has been planning her pregnancy for the last year. She has a twin who had a baby a year ago and she was so jealous she wanted to have one too but she was engaged and didn't want to get pregnant before their wedding, which was last November. They had a destination wedding so they planned a honeymoon to Hawaii for February and she didn't want to be pregnant for that either so she just got pregnant as soon as they got back. It's soo not fair, why can some people just decide to get pregnant and boom it happens and here I am 2+ years later still waiting. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to think oh I would like to be pregnant in March, have sex and then be pregnant. Ugh.

Fert Report Day 1

We got good news from the embryologist this morning. Out of our 6 eggs, 5 were mature and 5 fertilized normally with ICSI! He said they should start dividing this afternoon so he will call tomorrow with another update but they were looking good. He will let me know tomorrow if we will do a 3 day or a 5 day transfer. It was such a relief to hear that 5 fertilized, I am such a worrier. Yesterday it was that I ovulated before the retrieval, today I was afraid they were going to call and tell me non of my eggs fertilized. Hopefully the good news trend continues. I am feeling better today so I decided to come to work. I switched assignments with someone so I can basically sit down and chart all day while another nurse sees the patients. To be honest, my ass hurts more from the PIO shot that my ovaries do. I am just uncomfortably bloated and a little sore but I have been OK with Tylenol and a thermacare heat wrap.

Retrieval

Egg retrieval is done! I work up this morning in a full on panic because my ovaries didn't hurt anymore and I totally convinced myself I had ovulated already. We got to the doctor at 8am, dropped off B's swimmers and were taken to the pre/post op room. I got to change into my super sexy gown which came straight out of a warmer along with a blanket so I was nice and cozy. The nurse anesthetists came in and talked to me and they were awesome. I got some really good drugs to relax me and then I was out. I don't even remember getting back into the post op room. The first thing I remember is waking up and laughing so hard I cried. Not sure what was so funny but B got a kick out of it. The embryologist came in and we got eggs out of all my follicles so yay for 6 eggs! Now I am just keeping my fingers crossed they all fertilize!

Now, I am snuggled up on the couch, vicodin on board, heating pad on my belly and a fire in the fireplace. I am still debating about going to work tomorrow, I am going to play it by ear. Did you guys go to work the next day or take it easy? I am just worried because it's not like I sit at a desk all day. Thanks for all the comments, positive thoughts and support this week, it made a huge difference. I can't believe less than a week ago, I was crying thinking my cycle was cancelled and here I am now with 6 eggs that will hopefully turn into some beautiful sticky embryos.

Triggered!

Things looked great at my appointment today, my E2 rose nicely so I went ahead and triggered at 9:30 tonight for an egg retrieval 8:30 Sunday morning. I am so excited it's actually happening! B had big plans tonight with a friend from out of town so I gave myself my own trigger shot. I am so proud of myself. I thought it would be a lot harder since it was IM and in my butt but it was easy and surprisingly painless despite the bigger needle. Hope all you ladies have a great weekend!

Better day

I had my appointment this morning with my doctor. I had my Novarel in my bag so she could trigger me for my IUI and my estrace pills in case my lining wasn't that good, it was only 5 on Monday. I had all these things to ask her in my head about IUI vs. IVF, changing protocols for next time etc. but I held my tongue because I wanted to see what the dildo cam had to show.

I am not sure what happened in my ute between Monday and today but I had 6 follicles in there! I am not sure where that extra one came from but there was on my left ovary and I am not complaining. My E2 was 900 on Monday which was up from my previous one so she thinks I will have 6 mature eggs. They are waiting for my E2 to come back today but the tentative plan is meds stay the same, u/s Friday am, trigger Friday pm and ER on Sunday!

These ups and downs are killing me! Monday I cried all day and today I am on cloud nine. Well, maybe cloud 7, I still wish I had some more follicles in there but at least I am not getting cancelled. At least not today anyway, who knows what will happens Friday. I really wish I had more cooperative ovaries!

Bad day

I was planning on writing a nice welcome ICLW post and doing an update on my progress today but things are not working out as I planned. For those of you who are visiting for the first time, welcome, sorry about the debbie downer post that is about to follow. A little background for first timers, I am 31, my husband B is 36. We have been TTC for a little over 2 years and have yet to get a BFP. My "diagnosis" is hypothalmic amennorrhea. Basically, I don't ovulate and no one can figure out why. We are in the middle of our first IVF cycle, however, it may turn out to be IUI #6 instead.

I had my third follie check today and it was not good. I only have five follicles, 3 on the right and 2 on the left. The 3 on the right are 10,10 and 12. The 10's haven't grown since my last appointment 3 days ago. On the left I have a 12 and a 16. Of course my doctor is not in today so I saw one of her partner's and she wasn't really happy with my progress, or lack there of. She is waiting on my E2 level and then she is going to discuss my case with my doctor before giving me any further instructions.

So of course I left and started sobbing as soon as I got in the car. I called my B and he calmed me down somewhat but by the time I got back to work, I was crying again and the thought of everyone at work asking how my appointment went was nauseating. So I went in, told my manager my appointment sucked and I needed to go home. She was really nice about, she even went and got my Lupron from the break room for me so I didn't have to walk through the unit crying.

I am devastated. We took a nice 2 month break, I got myself all geared up for IVF and now it looks like it probably won't happen. At this point, if they don't suggest converting to an IUI I think I might. I only have partial insurance coverage for one IVF and I don't know if I want to waste it on this cycle. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost right now.

Slow and Steady...and a recipe

I had my second follie check today and it was better, my biggest follie was measuring 10mm and the others were not far behind. I only have 6 follies and I am not going to lie, I am disappointed. I was really hoping for at least double digits. This is the only IVF cycle we will have partial insurance coverage for and I really wanted to maximize that and have some frosties. If this IVF fails, we will have to save up before we can try again. I keep telling myself quality is better than quantity and it only takes one good one. She is estimating triggering Wednesday or Thursday. I got back Monday for my next appointment.

Ok so here are the cupcakes I made for the bake-off. They are amazing! They are not difficult, just time consuming but so worth it. I made the filling, frosting, and cupcakes one day and they filled and frosted them the next day.

Chocolate Caramel Cupcakes

I used this recipe for the cupcakes: http://jaimecooks.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/chocolate-cupcakes-with-vanilla-malted-frosting/

I used this recipe for the frosting: http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/02/dulce-de-leche-cupcakes/

I followed these instructions to make the filling, I used 2 cans and doubled the baking time: http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2005/11/dulce-de-lechec/

And if you never made filled cupcakes, this is a great tutorial, I used the cone method for these cupcakes: http://annies-eats.net/2011/03/07/how-to-make-filled-cupcakes/

You win some and you lose some

I won the bake off today! I actually won in 2 categories, best cupcake and I was the people's choice winner. They turned out amazing, I will post the recipe later this week.

I had my first follie check today and there's not much going on. After 3 days of stims my E2 was only 54 so we upped the follistim and I go back to the doctor friday, hopefully for some better news.

Busy bee

Lots of stuff going on the last few days, here is the rundown...

Thursday - Lady GaGa was awesome! I am so so glad I went.

Friday - Met my new acupuncturist. Mine is out of the country for 4 months so she referred me to someone else. I liked the new person and will be going twice a week for until transfer. She said I am way too stressed and anxious, not that I am surprised. We also went to a hockey game with my husbands brother and sister in law. There is some drama going on with my mother in law that occurred and continued into Saturday but I'll spare you the boring details.

Saturday - Started stims! I am doing 5u of Lupron and 75 of Menopur in the am and 200 of Follistim in the pm. My first follie check is Tuesday. My sister in law and 4 month old nephew were in town and I got to see them. I snuggled with my nephew and he fell asleep on my chest for about 30 minutes. I am hoping he sent some good baby vibes to by ovaries to produce lots of good sticky eggs! It is therapeutic snuggling with a baby, it is one of the things I miss most about working in the NICU, I used to love snuggling babies on night shift.

Today - Making cupcakes for a bake off at work. I really want to win. I am making Dulce de Leche filled chocolate cupcakes with Dulce de Leche frosting. If they turn out well, I will share the recipe. Hope you all are having a great weekend!

GaGa

My doctor's office is about 20-30 minutes away from my house and work so I spend a fair amount of time in the car traveling to my appointments. Most of the time there is never anything good on the radio and somehow I got into this habit of listening to Lady GaGa on the way to and from my appointments. It became a ritual, some people wear lucky sucks, I had to listen to Lady GaGa. Not that it has worked yet but tomorrow I am going to see Lady GaGa in concert!! I am so excited!! Not only do I love her music, I feel like it is my good luck charm for this cycle. Maybe the cd was not cutting it, maybe I need to see her live for it to work. Even if it doesn't I am sure the concert will rock. The funny thing is, when the tickets went on sale last year it was right before I started my first IUI so I didn't buy them becuase I thought for sure I would either have just had a baby or would be very pregnant right now. Fast forward 10 months and here I am starting IVF so I thought what the hell, I am going damn it! I got lucky and scored some decent seats for a great price and am really looking forward to one last fun night out with the girls before I start my meds on Saturday. I had my suppression check yesterday and everything looks great so here we go!

Mental Health Day

It's official, my first IVF cycle has begun. I went to acupuncture on Wednesday night. Yesterday was my first day of Lupron. I celebrated by going out with some girls after work where I ate some greasy pizza and drank a couple of beers. I came home and popped my first 2 pills from my Z-pack. By 2:30 am I was up having tons of hot flashes and my IBS was really flaring up. So I decided to take a mental health day from work today. I laid in bed most of the day, dozing on and off while watching The Today Show and some DVR'd programs.

Even though we took a break and have been planning this for 2 months, I still don't feel ready. I am so scared this is not going to work and just don't know how I will handle it if it doesn't. My friend K called me today which was great timing. She has an 8 month old as a result of her first IVF. It was great to hear that she had the same thoughts and fears as I did and I feel much better after our conversation.

Today was my day to feel sorry for myself but it will stop here. I am going to my big girl panties on and have a better outlook about the whole situation. I am a strong person and I have an amazing husband, we will get through this no matter what the outcome. It helps knowing I am not alone in this process, good luck to my 2 cycle buddies...Miss Mac is about 1 week ahead of me and Lauren will be about one week behind me. Hoping for happy and healthy pregnancies for all 3 of us!