Decisions, Decisions

I have been awfully quiet over here. I have been doing a lot of thinking and still haven't figured out a plan yet. There's too many choices and variables and the more I think about things, the more confused I get. I am lucky that B and my doctor are on board with whatever I choose but I really don't want the responsibility of choosing. I am so afraid I am going to make the wrong choice. And really that's what it all comes down too. What if I make the wrong choice?

I am still struggling with whether or not to do the immunology work up or not. If the immune work up shows that there is an issue then do I cycle again with my eggs in hopes that my chemicals were due to immune issues? What if I have crappy eggs and immune problems? Or do I just move ahead with donor eggs and forget about the immune testing because it's probably just my shitty eggs causing the chemicals? I just wish someone could give me the answer! I don't have a problem with any of the options, I just don't want to waste time and money on something that is not going to work.

Moving on...

Well, my second beta was 7 so I have stopped all meds and am waiting for my period. I am doing better than I thought I would and much better than I did after my last IVF. Thankfully, Wednesday was my day off so I spent most of it in bed and cried every time someone sent me a text, which was a lot, because I have some pretty amazing friends. After a 4 week hiatus I enjoyed coffee, wine and sex all in the same day!

Now I am just figuring out where to go from here. I was positive I was going to move on to donor eggs after this cycle but now I am having second thoughts. Not about using DE but about my diagnosis. I know my FSH is high but my AMH isn't that bad and I am not that old. At 32, going on 33, I should still have some good eggs in there. Even though I don't make that many eggs, I have a great fertilization rate, although not many make it to blast. After having 2 chemicals I am wondering if something else is going on with me. I have been doing some research and I am thinking about having a consultation with a reproductive immunologist. I am not sure how my RE will feel about this since RI seems like it not widely accepted yet.

If anyone has any thoughts, experiences, or knows of any blogs by girls who have used/are using a reproductive immunologist please let me know!

Who did I piss off?

I really think the universe has it out for me. Beta was 9 10dp5dt. I just wanted a positive or negative. My doctor is making me go back Thursday for a recheck but really? I just want this to be over but now I feel like it is going to be dragged out all week.

FML

I have been to busy wallowing to blog. My beta is tomorrow and I am freaking out! I have zero symptoms but my gut is telling me BFN. Last year, I had a feeling it was going to be positive. I know it's not over until tomorrow but I hate having this bad feeling. I am putting a bottle of my favorite wine in the fridge just in case. To top it all off, I had a patient come in for surgery today and they had a positive pregnancy test. Keep in mind I work at a Children's hospital. So that was fun to deal with.