Playing Pretend

Did you ever play pretend when you were little? My sister and I could play for hours. One of our favorites was playing office. We would set up our desks and our pretend boss Mr.Boggle (I can't even believe I still remember his name!) would give us tasks to do. Don't even get me started on the elaborate scenarios we would act out with our barbies!

I have been playing pretend ever since I signed my consents for my IVF. I am just so damn sick of being infertile, I decided to just pretend I wasn't. Since I didn't have anything IF related between that appointment and when I start Lupron it was easier than it sounds. I did what I wanted without thinking of how it would affect or not affect my fertility. I went to yoga and twisted my body in positions in shouldn't be in, I drank alcohol and caffeine, had a normal sex life, it was pretty nice. Don't get me wrong, it was still there in the back of my mind but I tried really hard to keep it shoved back there. It's quite sad when you think about it, I actually had to pretend to be "normal".

All that was over on Saturday when I get my HUGE box of meds. Talk about overwhelming! I knew I was expecting a lot of stuff but to see it all laid out on my counter was slightly scary. So I think my little game of pretend is pretty much over. It was nice while it lasted though. We have one last weekend of fun in the sun planned. We are heading to Florida for a long weekend to visit some family. I am excited to see my nieces, meet my new nephew (he will be 4 months old tomorrow!), hit the beach, and of course drink wine with my sister-in-law. I am so lucky that my husband's siblings and their spouses are awesome! Then Lupron starts on March 3rd.

Filter Free Friday

AP over at My Dusty Uterus came up with this amazing idea for filter free fridays.

My thought for today is:

Sometimes I park in the expectant mother only parking spots at my grocery store. They just put the spots in a few months ago and when I know I am only going in to grab something quick I park there if it's the closest spot. And I don't feel bad about. I hate that they are there to remind me every time I go to the grocery that I am not expecting and I may never be.

And the Oscar goes too...

the biggest blogger slacker ever! I have been avoiding the blog world for over a week now (more on this in a later post) and I return to find not one but three awards. I feel like I don't even deserve them now. But I am so grateful for the love, it is much needed and appreciated. I am mostly caught up on reading and I will try to catch up on my comments soon. In the meantime...

Thank you to Lauren over at Lauren vs. The World. She has her first IVF consult coming up so go over and give her some support.

Thank you to Amy over at Maternal Hope. She is in the midst of her first IVF cycle, so stop on over and give her some encouragement.

Thank you to Cher over at In a Nutshell. She is saving up for IVF #2 and we should be cycling around the same time so make sure to go on over and say hi!

So, on to the rules for the awards...

Rules for accepting this award:

1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award.
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it

7 Random Facts about me:

1. I am a NYC snob, even though I don't live there anymore, I still think it is the greatest city ever.

2. I have a huge sweet tooth, I snack on candy every afternoon at work and eat dessert every night after dinner.

3. My husband started out as a vacation fling. When I first met him, I had no intention of ever seeing him again.

4. I love to travel, my "consolation prize" if this IVF fails is a trip to Spain and Italy.

5. If I knew I wouldn't get skin cancer, I'd tan all year. I love being tan, not Jersey Shore Orange tan but a nice healthy glow.

6. I am addicted to my iPhone, I am on it all the time. My husband thinks I have a problem and I should give it up for Lent.

7. I love to read, my husband and I frequent the library and I always have at least 2 books on my nightstand and many more on my must read list.

As far as nominations go, if you stuck around during my extra long hiatus, you are nominated!

Moving right along...

Welcome all from ICLW! You can read about my TTC over that way ------->

Long story short, after 2 years of trying, we are moving on to IVF. Today I had my saline ultrasound and mock transfer. It wasn't to bad although apparently I have a sensitive uterus. My Dr was surprised at how I knew immediately when she was pushing in more fluid. Also my cervix is pretty tightly closed so during my ER she is going to dilate it a smidge to ensure the catheter passes in easily and quickly the day of my transfer. I also had lots of blood drawn.

When I had talked to the IVF nurse a few weeks ago, we had planned in cycling early march with an estimated ER on 3/17 but my doctor asked me today if I would consider pushing it back because she would be out of town that week and even though one of her partners could do it, she really wanted to be there. She is so sweet. So now we are looking at 3/24 as our estimated date. At least now I don't have to worry about starting Lupron while we are on vacation in Florida at the end of February.

I still have a consultation next week with Dr.P. He has come highly recommended from my acupuncturist, a good friend and lots of women in my support group. He is an Ob/Gyn that uses NaPro Technology and the Creighton Model. To be honest, I really don't buy into it but so many people have said such wonderful things about him I figured it can't hurt to have a consultation. I still do think there is something wrong with my hormones that my RE can't figure out so maybe he has another idea. Has anyone had any experience with this method?

Weekend Update

There is nothing to exciting going on in my world so not much to talk about.

In IF news...Thursday I had my mandatory IVF class which I thought was interesting but nothing I didn't already know. The embryologist talked in depth about the IVF process for 1.5 hours, it definitely could have been condensed in to 45 minutes. I have my saline ultrasound and mock transfer scheduled for Friday and that will be my last appointment until my suppression check March 1.

Sort of IF related...I bought a Groupon last week for laser hair removal. It was $100 for 4 treatments, I couldn't pass it up. I had my first session on Thursday. I figured I have enough people poking around my vagina, I should have my bikini done. No more worrying about shaving for my appointments! It actually wasn't that bad, but I have been getting bikini waxes almost every month for the last 10 years so I think I am very tolerant to pain in that area.

Not IF related at all...I am throwing in party for all my work friends on Saturday and I am excited. It's partially an excuse to try out some yummy new recipes I have been dying to make and partially because we have been so busy lately we needed a fun outside of work activity. I will post some of the recipes after the party if they turn out as good as they look!

A Plan

After my IVF consult, I was waiting for the IVF nurse to call me to over "the plan" We played some phone tag but I finally talked to her today and she was so nice, I liked her immediately. I was a little worried because there is a nurse in the office that I really don't like, she has made a few comments to me that made me think she didn't really know what she was doing but she is nothing like her.

I have my IVF class on Thursday. My saline ultrasound and labs will be on 1/21 and then I will start Lupron 2/24. It's crazy, I thought I was taking a 2 month break but there is so much prep for an IVF cycle, it seems like I barely have time to get used to the idea that I am actually even doing it.

I have been thinking since my last post about how I was having a hard time putting into words how I was feeling. I think the problem is while I am happy to be moving on and increasing my chances of getting pregnant, I know that IVF is not guaranteed. It might not work, I might not get pregnant. And I don't even want to think about how I will feel if this doesn't work. So I am trying to avoid feeling anything.

As my husband put it, it's like we are walking into a casino, walking up to the roulette table, dropping $10,000 on red and hoping black doesn't show up. It's a 50/50 chance.

IVF consult

I had my IVF consult today. I thought this would be an easy post to write but I am having a hard time putting my feelings into words. I think it is because I am feeling so many conflicting emotions. I am nervous and scared and at the same time happy and hopeful. I am overwhelmed at the amount of information I received today. My doctor didn't really have any answers for me though as to why I am not ovulating so that was disappointing but she seems confident that IVF can work for us. The IVF nurse will be calling me this week to set up a schedule, I am planning for ER/ET mid March. They also have a financial person who calls your insurance company and finds out what will be covered and what won't to let you know how much it will cost. We have some coverage so that will be helpful since she said the average cost without any coverage at all is $12,000. I have lots to think about, I'll try to sort out some feelings and have a better post another day.