Firsts and Lasts

First shot of Follistim tonight. I was pretty apprehensive about it. It took me a good 5 minutes to work up the courage to actually stick myself. At one point I gave the pen to B but I didn't want him to do it. After all, I am a trained medical professional. Of course, after it was over, I realized it's not that bad at all and I can do it, I will do it and it will work, if not this month, some day.

Last day of ICLW. I really enjoyed my first one and look forward to doing it again next month. I loved reading everyone's comments on my blog and they have inspired me to become more positive about my situation. I am going to really make an effort to not be such a Debbie Downer. I found lots of good blogs and am excited to follow everyone's journey through the land of IF. Here's to hoping we all make it off the island!

Nervous

So I have been hesitating to write a new post. I really thought I was pregnant this cycle (I think I say that every cycle) and of course BFN! Got AF in full force this morning. So I met with my RE today and we decided to move on to Follistim + IUI. For some reason I am so nervous about it. She gave me the option of one more cycle of Femara but after 19 months, 5 rounds of Clomid and 3 of Femara I felt it was time to move on to something else and she agreed. Yet I still have this weird feeling in my stomach. Partly from the $600 I shelled out for the drugs and partly because I have to give myself injections every day. I'm a nurse, I have given lots of injections and I am not afraid of needles but I am not really looking forward to doing it. But if it gets me knocked up, I'll try it. I am going back to acupuncture this month also so I am hoping this is it for me otherwise I am seriously going to have to change my spending habits. I have been spoiled, up until now everything has been pretty much covered except for copays. I am so thankful we can afford this right now, I can't imagine how hard it is from you ladies who don't have good coverage. It's so unfair. The government will pay medicaid to the crackhead on the corner and her 10 kids but I can't get my fertility medications paid for.

My first ICLW

Welcome to my little blog. I still haven't quite gotten the hang of blogging but I am getting there. I am not the world's best writer but I can bitch with the best of them. My TTC history is over that way ---->

RIght now I am exactly 9dpIUI and the crazies are settling in. I have had cramps since 7dpIUI, I am exhausted, and my boobs are a little sore. I am sure the cramps have nothing to do with my IBS, the exhausted feeling has nothing to do with the fact I was away for a long weekend in a 3 bedroom house with 8 adults and 4 children under 5 or the fact that I get up at 5am for work every day. And the sore boobs? They are probably sore from squeezing them 20 times a day to see if they are sore yet! I am struggling not to POAS, I have access to an unlimited supply at work but I am so afraid I will get a false positive from my trigger shot I can't bring myself to do it.

Thanks for visiting!

The 2 week wait

Ok so I guess my ovaries read my last post because they rallied. I went back for another ultrasound over the weekend and my follie grew to 18mm. Not as good as my last one but enough to trigger and do IUI #2. Hopefully one of my husband's 100 million sperm can find it.

Now is the hard part - the dreaded two week wait. The first week is not so bad but the second week every little thing I think is a pregnancy symptom. It is enough to drive me to drink (and I usually do, drink till it's pink right?!?!).

Laziness

I love to be lazy at home. I am not one of those people who needs to constantly be doing something. I can lay on the couch and watch TV all day on a Saturday. On vacation, I love to lay on the beach or by the pool and read. I can get through 4-5 books on a week vacation.

At work, I am the opposite though. I hate it when it is slow. I like to be busy all day, and if I don't have anything to do, I will find something. I CAN NOT stand lazy people at work. There is an RN I work with that is so lazy. She actually said out loud "I like when it is slow so I can sit around and do nothing" Drives me crazy! It doesn't help that she is 22 and pregnant on her first try.

I also dislike the fact that my ovaries are so damn lazy. Last cycle I produced a beautiful 23mm follicle. This cycle, 12.5. Bullshit. Why is is so hard for my ovaries to do what they are supposed to and just make a nice follicle? I am not greedy, I only need one. Moving on to injectables for next cycle. F*ck you lazy ovaries!!!